Well, slap my face cheeks with a slimy bass and smear some petroleum jelly on a six foot pole, because I’m about to be shafted good and proper. Yes, that’s exactly how I feel some mornings as I fight my way through the traffic to get to do my daily chores, however today was particularly special. So much so, that I had to take a time out to ease my twitching nerves.
Now, riding the gauntlet is not a new phenomenon for motorcycle riders but sometimes you feel as if the world is out to get you. So I set off in plenty of time this morning…boy child had been fed and watered and sent on his merry way to the place of juvenile learning. No sooner had I turned the corner from my road, a lorry veered towards me whilst the driver was totally oblivious that I was occupying that portion of the road. A quick swerve and a shake of the head…and I was on my way.
Then I reached a roundabout…and whilst rolling around it…not one but two vans pulled right across me into the middle of the roundabout. Not only almost taking me out but two cyclists to boot. However, I must have turned on my Superman X Ray vision this morning and brushed up on my precognition because I had a sneaking feeling it was all going to happen today.
Next, I made it out of town and was heading along the back roads, when on a tight bend…some pillock had decided to drop sand and gravel for me to ride over. A little bit like running over marbles and trying to keep your balance…not easily done successfully.
Then, if that wasn’t enough…on two bends with two separate cars…both of which attacked the bend on my side of the road forcing me to eat the hedge a couple of times just to get out their way. Luckily my shields were up and on maximum power, so no harm to me nor the bike.
Finally I reach an open bit of road…All was calm. All was bright! Then out of bloody nowhere a tribe of galloping deer came right across my path forcing me to do a front wheel stoppie and veering left them right to avoid.
At this stage I thought my luck was about to run out so I decided to get off the highway, a bit like Doc Hollywood, and hit the backroads and trails away from the menace of other people.
Now I know everyone’s a little nervous today because of the football thing that’s going on in Russia, but there is a limit to what any sane person can take.
I decide to merge a couple of trails I had ridden before, that would take me in the general direction I needed to go but I had not ridden in some time and never in the direction I was taking.
Suffice to say the rest of the ride was glorious. Even traversing over fallen trees and getting my legs shredded by brambles didn’t steal my joy. The ground was dry and the ruts were long gone. Flat, wide and hard…just the way I like them!
I aim for my journey tomorrow to be less eventful although I would stomach it again if I could get a similar trail ride in.
Motorcycles aren’t dangerous! Vans, cars and trucks are not dangerous…but people are especially when they’re half asleep in the morning. So either I’ll stick to early bird rides and avoid everyone else or stuck to the dirt trails…at least I’ll know I be safe. Well, apart from the lions, tigers and jaguars that could leap out of the bush and the gorillas that would jump from the mist to eat me whole.
Now time for some libation, feet up and wait for the football to come on!