Did I really just see that?

Call me old fashioned if you will, but there is something quite wrong with the world when you’re seeing so called fashion trends come back for the third or fourth time around and there’s some upstart trying to convince me it’s the ‘must have and never seen before item’

Equally distasteful is the fashion suicide that seems to take place on a daily basis whilst I’m out and about on my bike observing life. Take for example the fascination with middle aged women wearing multicoloured lycra leggings to do some exercise, when actually all they’re doing is going for a walk. Or with the dysfunctional and feral saplings who think it’s so cool to walk around in grimy grey tracksuit bottoms.

Now I do not claim to be anything but a typically mismatched middle aged gent…but at least I wear jeans, socks and trainers…or boots with a t-shirt or jumper. It’s kind of presentable but not overbearing…nor is it offensive to the eye…however there are many people out there who have just chosen not to read the instructions on how to grow post teenage years.

But this is not an English malaise as it appears to happen in many places I’ve visited too. The Italians have been famed for their sense of style and fashion prowess…however if you’ve ever been to Italy then you’ll know that for the most part they’re just as badly dressed as we are. You could go to any country and seek out the minority rich and proud…and find them wearing the finest clothing and accessories, but that does not make a society of fashionistas even if they believe their own hype either.

People of all shapes and sizes can wear what they like for all I care…but please don’t try to claim it’s anything special or it’s on trend. Last year the fashion motorcycle jacket exploded onto the market and every lady…young or older…were incline to get one in whatever colour they liked. Now, wearing this kind of jacket is not offensive to me in the slightest in terms of fashion, but it is in terms of what it’s supposed to represent.

A free spirited, freedom finding, biker chick who’s not to be messed with by ordinary folk. However the overwhelming majority of these girls wouldn’t be seen anywhere near a motorcycle, never mind ride one or be taken for a ride. Certain items have very distinct associations with other things…If you wear a football shirt…you would tend to support that particular football team. If you wear a Stetson hat…you’re most likely to be associated with the cowboy or country music scene…so if you wear a faux motorcycle jacket, then it stands to reason there would be an expectation that you like and are associated with motorcycles….but ohhhhh noooooooo!

I suppose it just annoys me when these associations are forced upon me but I can see right through the marketing blurb and the advertising jargon to reveal the lame truth of it all. People are bled dry of their hard earned coins to pay for something that just looks awful or has misplaced associations.

So now that the summer has arrived and is likely to stay for a few more days at least, there is no shortage of men and women who are starting to undress to capture as many rays as possible. Bare chested brutes and scantily clad vixens are enough to make anyone get weak in the knees or get distracted whilst riding or driving and weaving into a near disaster. And their excuse? “It’s Hot!!!” Absolute bollocks! Yes, it’s hot but that doesn’t mean it’s strip poker time either. In fact wearing some light weight shirts can be just as cooling and much less likely of getting burnt. Christ, I sound like my dad!

So the next time you pop out to the shops in your pyjamas…unbelievable…or you choose to pull on those trackie bottoms that just need a really good wash, then just take a moment and ask yourself, “Do I look like a prat?” If the answer is yes…then don’t bloody wear it, but if the answer is no…get a second opinion.

For my part, I shall try to stop wearing my dress socks pulled up to my knees with my Nazareth sandals and I shall attempt to be more forgiving with my observations, however I make no promises. Come on world…wake up and smell the honey! Just because something is passed over as the new flavour…it doesn’t mean you have to gobble it all up in one go…take a breath and find your own path…as long as it’s not offensive to my eyes or doesn’t act to want to pull me off my bike or make me want to bash my head against a brick wall.

Anyway…a little less sun for me I think. Over to you!

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